Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
