we have pet lesbian snakes
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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