The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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