Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
