Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
