HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
