"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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