I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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