even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
