your parents love me but you hate me
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
