About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Can you bring me the toilet please
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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