I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
