heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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