he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
