and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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