This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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