I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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