my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
