his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the day after is always just damage control
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
