My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
