If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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