How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
