Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
