hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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