3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Do you have feelings for this penis?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
