I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
