I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
