Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize