You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
