that's an acceptable place to lick
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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