Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
