I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We had to coat check the pizza.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
