I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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