Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Floor bacon is actually really good
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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