My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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