i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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