I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
