This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
