Welp...herpes.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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