I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
