i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
