You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
