Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
