and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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