you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We left the knife in your bed.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
