Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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