is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
