Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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