Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
