Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
