Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
