I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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