Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
