this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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