the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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