oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
