i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just high enough for therapy.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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