I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
