Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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