She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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