On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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