Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
