If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
