well I can't set my house on fire every night
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
