hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Enjoy the penises
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
