My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize