Me. At least after what I've been through.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
