Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
