Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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