Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my being single is dangerous.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
