He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
