I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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