i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
