It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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