Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
