So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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