You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize