i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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