Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
