Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize