I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Two words: nipple clamps
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