woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
