well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
