im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
