You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
