And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
