just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize