shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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