then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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