He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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