I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
