can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
