also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
