I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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