I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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