Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
