Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
