Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
