I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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