just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
