I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
All the doctor said was why
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize