i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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