I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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