Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
even my farts smell like vagina
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
