So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Hippo gnu deer
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
