did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
