and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
