you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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