sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
All the doctor said was why
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize