I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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