Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
