so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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