Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
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