Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
