Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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