I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Randomize
